Practice Makes Near-Perfect

She looked at him " all you did was teach me to fire a gun" she stood up placing her hand on his shoulder" whats it like to kill some one in cold blood" she asked

"That depends on the person - how many people do you think I've killed? Dozens? Hundreds, perhaps?"

Staring out at their makeshift target, Connan wondered why he'd tell her this - an innocent, even a vampiric one, had the right to remain so.

"It depends. But... if it's revenge..." Although the night was cold, he shivered, and his voice changed, now more reflective than broken. "You should never kill for revenge, least of all in cold blood - humans aren't built for that. If a man is going to kill, he should kill like a man, with the passion and rage of a man. But to kill in cold blood...to kill in cold blood... with the sterile distance of a machine?"

Connan closed his eyes, breathing deeply.

"It feels good. It shouldn't, but it does. It's a cold fire and it drenches you - everything burns numb and cold and brutally clear. It's vindication and incrimination in the same turn, vengeance and murder, righteous and condemning. It's the worst feeling in the world and I'll never be able to describe it accurately; the two spheres of responsibility and belief crashing slowly and tearing eachother apart."

She listen to his words she had felt this feeling before every time she thought of what they had done to her a rage , a burning rose from deep inside her now she had a name for it , revenge she wanted to exact her revenge on those who had taken her live and her innocence.

Turning she spoke "I know of this feeling you speak of" she said "it burns you up inside till it becomes all you can think about your thoughts your actions are nothing but those brought by the feeling"

"Oh, the need for revenge, for me, feels different to that. That's what it's like when you pull the trigger, Jessica. That's what vengeance feels like. Now I guess you can decide if it's worth the feeling of knowing, for the rest of your life, that you've taken a life."

Sighing and staring to the stars above, he said "Or maybe there's no way to tell."

Jessica looked at him "but what if the life had already been taken, if they were not human but ..."she paused " vampire , dose that count, what if they took an Innocent's life first, is that not worth revenge" she said

Connan looked at her.

"I can't tell you when it's right to take a life, human or otherwise. That's up to you."

Jessica sat next to him her legs drawn up to her chest she looked at a star brightest in the sky " what if that star was a life bright shining everything to look forward to and some one came ,snatched it kept it for them selves , would not revenge be necessary to free it from its prison" she said softly

"Then the sky would be filled with both naivety and fear, and that's a thought I'm not sure I could bare. By that logic also, if you wanted revenge, why not take it on me, or any other who've killed? No, if you're going to kill, to murder, be sure you do it for the right reason in your own mind."

Scanning the skies, he whispered "To me, a star is an offer of better days. That's all I can ask them to be."

Jessica turned to look at him "I do not take revenge on just any one only one man , the one who sired me his name i do not know but will know him when i meet him" she said

Tilting his head to look her way, he said "Then why not seek his scent? Being a vampire, you have the ability to do so, right?"

she looked down then at him " I don't know how" she said " I escaped before they taught me anything" she looked back at her knees resting her head on them "I guess they never thought to teach me those thing just use me for there own pleasures" she shivered at the memory

(OOC: This post is before he met Chilling or Di, so he can't really offer to intraduce them.)

"I doubt a library will help, but it might be a start - take myths and legends and work from there. As it is, I know for a fact there are vampires in this city. They used to give us some trouble - the gang and me, I mean."

Jessica looked at him "I know of the vampires in this town i can sort of sens there presence its about all i can do why do you think i was at the grave yard i was hiding from them" she sighed " but now it seems i must fight instead of hide"

"A graveyard seems a nonsensical place to hide from vampires of all creatures, but I guess they wouldn't expect you to hide on what's commonly open ground."

Connan sighed. "It's going to be a long fight, you know."

Jessica shook her head "not this time , knowing what you have tough me i can strike back" she said her hand moving to rest on the gun.

Connan sighed.

"This is just a tool - a tool for a fight, but a tool. It won't make you invincible. Learn to shoot with one hand- both, but single handed, and you'll stand a better chance. You can keep this; I have others, and you sound convinced that you'll use it."

Jessica slipped it in to her belt "I am hoping not to but if i must" she said taking a bullet she loaded the gun and stood up turning to the tree standing up she held the gun with one hand she stood slightly to one side and took aim , squeezing the trigger she fires the bullet hit with a thud in the tree she looked down at him "I learn quick"

"Looks like you do."

Connan stood, and nodded at her. For whatever reason, he'd honored her request to learn; part of him wondered if he'd ever have to pay the consequences of that choice.

as she looked at him she sat back down slipping on the safety as she slipped it into her belt " thank you for teaching me " she said letting a smile creep to her lips "If you need my help for anything you have just to ask"

"You're welcome. My only thoughts now are that I have to find the rest of my gang. I have, as you say, a duty to them."

Standing, he began walking, but stopped. Without turning around, he said "Remember what I told you. Only kill if you know it's right. Otherwise, you're no better than the guy you're hunting. Hell, maybe we're no better anyway - but at least this was we have a chance to be."

Jessica nodded then thought " do you think they would mind if i joined you?" she asked "after all i am alone"

Connan stood still, and thought.

"They were killed by vampires. On principal, many of them will fear you and possibly hate you for that, and I have to look after as many of them as I can."

He sighed, knowing it wasn't fair. "Look, stay with me, we'll gather a few, and if I can convince some of them it's okay, we'll see what we can do, alright? I can't promise you acceptance- people scare easily and are hard pressed to forgive and forget, especially if they can point the blame at a group or a gang. But I'll do what I can for you; you deserve a place."

Jessica moved to his side " i am only half vampire,I understand they won't accept me and am willing to accept that, with what they do i can not blame them"

"I know. But my first loyalty is to them - it has to be. Which means at the least, we'll talk before we induct you. Actions will account for you better than I can, but as I said, I'll try. The sooner I find some of them, the better. For both our sakes."

He began to walk.

Jessica nodded and followed beside him quietly.